in the summer

September is hydrocephalus awareness month.  During the summer, I attended a Pediatric Hydrocephalus Conference. It was great meeting other individuals and families who are living with hydrocephalus.   Always nice to talk with others who truly understand what it's like to live with this chronic illness. 

It was 10 years ago this month that I started making a short film about my shunt as it was doing some weird things inside my head. At the time, I didn't' know it was on the wrong side of my brain. I later figured this out on my own in March 2014. 

Whenever I talk about my brain injuries with anyone, I always emphasize how you have to listen to your gut, as it doesn't lie to you. Had I not listened to my body back in 2013 when I felt vibrations inside my head and on my spine, I would not be here. Had I not advocated for myself and insisted my neurosurgeon do surgery, I would not be here.  I later fired this doctor ( since he wasn't taking my complaints seriously ) and he got animated in my film. I always tell people if you can't advocate for yourself, then get someone else to do this on your behalf.

Like any brain injury survivor, you're just never the same afterwards. I've been having walking issues again and I'm back in physical therapy.  With chronic pain issues in my head and leg this week, I found myself again listening to movie soundtracks such as Treasure Planet (2002), Blue Beetle (2023) and Sailor Stars (1997). 

6:30pm

 I noticed around last night at 6:30pm I didn't have any shunt, forehead pain. This has continued into this morning. I can move my head and I don't feel the shunt making adjustments or pain from the shunt valve. So for now, I am not a war with my programmable shunt valve. And an added bonus, no falling incidents for two weeks now.  

The happy return

No shunt or head pain yesterday and today. Last Friday was the first pain free day I've had in a long time. And an added bonus, I'm not feeling any pain before the weather changes tomorrow, we're getting thunderstorms...

There's a chance I'll be volunteering again from a home. Soon, I'll be able to make greeting cards for seniors who get their meals delivered. 

outside

Pain issues have been minimal the last week, which is a nice change for once. Recently, I had a video appointment with my neurologist and she suggested I try and put pain cream on parts of my head and  when I feel discomfort from my shunt or elevated csf pressure in my forehead. I'll try this and we'll see what happens.

Less pain, more dizziness for me this last week.  I experience this when move my head from side to side or when I am sitting, standing and everything else. Now that it's getting warmer and more humid outside my shunt ( which is magnetic) responds to the warmer temperatures. If I don't wear a hat outside when it's very hot and humid, it can cause different issues with my medical device like fainting and disorientation.

I can't volunteer because of the pandemic. Like everyone else, I'm home unless I make a trip for something essential like to the grocery store. My local Stop and Shop has a robot,  I think it's name is Bob or something... The robot has made me paranoid because of my shunt. I don't feel magnetic waves off of the robot like I do when I walk by a pest repeller on a wall.  I avoid the grocery store robot as much as possible. At one point, I thought it was following me in the produce section....

The pandemic has made me (along with millions of other people) anxious about going anywhere, outside. I can only wear a mask to cover my nose and mouth for short amount of time.

My local brain injury association has free webinars to help people cope with this pandemic.

Another great way to help all of us who need it now:

Brain Injury Alliance New Jersey Webinars

socks

Yesterday, I almost fell trying to get dressed. My right crossed over the left leg, I caught myself when I landed halfway between the floor and the side of my bed.  Dizziness and walking, and turning issues have been the brain injury theme for me this week.  I’ve heard from other stroke/brain injury survivors the recovery process is a marathon, not a sprint.  Some parts of your life return to the way they were before your injury, other things do not.

Everything in your life is changed in some way.  Some things are just never the same again.

Because of the walking issues I was having yesterday, I decided to stay in one place and not walk as much. I ended up drawing for several hours yesterday. I haven’t done an hours long drawing session in a while because I’ve struggled with energy and concentration issues.

It was wonderful to escape for a little bit and forget for small amount of time the balance issues.

My cat, Stella, sometimes has walking issues when she is running. Yesterday, she was running into my room and she almost tripped over her two front legs.

Besides other stroke survivors, it seems my cat can relate as well.

I haven’t been able to volunteer for two months because of the pandemic. Some of the help needed requires lifting boxes, which I cannot do. This makes me sad, although I know I’ll be back saving the world through volunteering again eventually.

I’ve found music to help with both coping with the pandemic and my gait/pain issues. Happy songs include this classic from Oliver & Company ( NYC in the 1980s with Billy Joel) and Anastasia (1997)

109

I had five pain free days earlier this week. Kind of a small miracle, which should always be celebrated. Then about two days ago, all the shunt drama returned.  Shunt valve pain with dizziness, distal catheter pain, nausea ,pain in my right eye and scalp sensitivity where my shunt is located.  Last night, my balance was really off, I had walking issues and I was bumping into things.

I've read in the news that soldiers in Iran suffered traumatic brain injuries as a result of an Iran Strike recently. The article can be reach here: 109 troops suffered brain injuries

I just hope these troops are getting the appropriate services they need to assist them in their recovery.

Symptoms of brain injury often never really ever go away completely.... A fellow survivor told me once, that recovery is a marathon and not a sprint.

In the meantime, I've re discovered word search puzzles, which I use to pass time when I'm not out saving the world through volunteering or drawing.

Grumpy with a side of tea

I've had shunt and forehead pain with a side nausea and right eye pain consistently for over a week now. The eye pain ( strabismus surgery eye ) happens at the same time as shunt and distal catheter pain. My shunt is probably adjusting itself or just being an unruly medical device or both. I've also had scalp sensitivity where my shunt is and am more aware of this when I comb my hair.

Either way, it's made me grumpy and I've been staying indoors when I don't have anywhere I need to be. Pain reliever's haven't been working.

I don't think the settings are have changed. Although, I wouldn't have anyway to check this because...

1. My neurologist doesn't know how to check my shunt's settings
2. The last neurosurgeon I saw in 2018, didn't know how to do this either. Because...

Apparently the shunt I was given isn't used anywhere nearby.

And this is just so helpful...

I can't go back to my ex neurosurgeon (who placed this shunt) because I fired him and he got animated into one of my films...

All I can do is wait for this to go away.

And there's always a little time for a tea...

And then the neuro ophthalmologist said..

Today dizziness is somewhat better than the shunt pain madness of last few weeks because..

Last weekend, my shunt was causing some nausea, dizziness, valve pain and balance issues. This happened in the evening and made me nervous, as I had fears the device would fail on me again. The following day, I only had some nausea, shunt pain was gone and I realized my shunt was adjusting itself or just driving me a little insane....because I do believe my medical device is vindictive sometimes.

The good news is, when it was very windy earlier this week and it didn't bother my shunt. Usually when it's windy outside, every gust of wind caused shunt pain.

Yesterday, the coldness outside made my scalp sensitive. It hurt to touch the top of my head where my shunt is inside my skull.

About a week ago, the shunt pain felt like a needle had been pushed down into my skull.

I haven't had shunt failure in five years.

I saw the neuro opthalmologist who repaired my right eye in 2015 after my brain injuries. He told me my eye is doing well. I asked him about the pain behind my right eye. I've had this pain since my injuries in 2015. He said it could be either one of the following, or both:

1. Dry eye - Which can be alleviated by dry eye drops
2. A result of the injuries I had in 2015.

I do notice that when I have throbbing and pain from my shunt, I also have pain behind my right eye. I was told to ask my neurologist about the pain to see if it's related to my injuries.

So we'll see.  For now, I'm going to enjoy being pain free with occasional dizziness.

3

I had three days this week of bliss without cerebral shunt or chronic pain. A huge improvement from the last few months. Yesterday, this changed, as the shunt began to rebel again.  Today, some of the same pains from before have returned like shunt pain, distal catheter in abdomen pain and dizziness when I move my head from side to side.

New Medical Fashion....

The good news is I received my medical ID bracelet in the mail. I've had a shunt since early childhood and it never occurred to me before to wear one indicating I have a cerebral shunt.

I would think all doctors should suggest to their patients who have internal medical devices to wear something which would indicate they have an internal device. Some do and others don't.

I already have a medical card I carry with me that has my medical, doctor and emergency contact information.

How would an EMT know to check my bag for this information? Like for example in the event of an emergency, if I'm unconscious for whatever reason (accidents, fainting or squirrel attack ) At least someone will know where to find information and contact my doctors and family.

7.7

No chronic pain today. Yesterday I was nervous because all day since the early morning hours  (around 5am) I had pain from my shunt, eye (where I had strabismus surgery in 2015) and nausea I suspect from the distal catheter in my stomach.  I hadn't experienced this type of intense discomfort in a while and it made me worried my shunt might begin failing again soon.

There have been a few days this week where I didn't get as many hours of sleep as I may have wanted due to pain issues.

To my surprise today upon waking up, there was no pain at all.  All of my symptoms from the day before and the last few months where gone.

I've been a little less productive due to chronic pain and lack of energy...

Since today is pain free,  it's time to be creative....

Happy music video  in the background....